I am struck by a realization this morning. I have been approaching my recent work thinking it is new. That the message is new, that the mission I feel deep inside to amplify human wholeness is new. I can’t believe I missed my own history, but friends, let me tell you, this is in no way new!
During a psi workshop last week, I responded to a question by saying my mission was new for me. I posited that I would not have said amplifying human wholeness ten years ago. And while this is true, I am realizing this morning that it may in fact be solely an issue of remembrance, for it was always a deep mission of mine. One that lay dormant underneath the rubble pile of responsibility and external validation, but still acted as the underlying foundation of some of my most pivotal moments.
This morning, I revisited a speech I gave as board chair of the Lake Champlain Chamber of Commerce in 2014. I started the speech talking about an interaction I had with a legislator while volunteering at a non-profit who said “It’s encouraging to see that you are more than just your business.” This exchange struck me and I went on in my speech to say, “Of course, I am more than just my business. I have an entire slew of life experiences that make me the person I am. In fact, it is experiences that have helped shape how I do business.”
Even then, twelve years ago, when I was giving a speech at a business organization, I was talking about wholeness. I went on to point out all the different parts of me – the mom, the daughter, the addiction that had impacted my family (at a time when no one was talking about this in public.) I was asked on a podcast a few years later how I had gotten the courage to share in this way at such a professional gathering. I really didn’t have a worthwhile answer because it was simply a feeling I had that I couldn’t deny. I knew that if I could lift the curtain from myself, maybe others would feel compelled to do the same. If I was able to show all the parts of me on a business stage in front of hundreds of people, maybe others would feel the lightness of being their true selves. I closed that speech saying “We might not always agree, but I believe we are much stronger together than we are divided. Listen to each other, hear each other, take your seat at the table and share your story. We are all invested in this beautiful place with a reason to want the best for it.”
Reading these words anew it is as if the message of wholeness has been encircling me for years. It was like an undercurrent running through the choices I made, the leadership I exuded and the words I would share. And yet, I left it as an undercurrent. I never looked under the covers to see what was lying underneath. In fact, it took me almost two decades to come up with the language that I so clearly see today. When the President of Champlain College described me in 2015 before receiving my honorary degree, he said that I was someone who didn’t bifurcate parts of who I was, that I was all the pieces at every table I sat at. When I gave speeches over the years and people would remark on my vulnerability, making analogies between me and Brene Brown in her early days, I simply took it at face value. I understood that it was vulnerable to share these parts of myself, but it didn’t feel like it was about me. It felt like it was about those around me, exposing all the parts of myself, so others could feel comfortable doing the same. It was about being whole, so others could inhabit their whole skin. It was always about amplifying human wholeness.
My purpose at the time was to try to bring divisions together, to recognize that the assumptions we make about each other are crippling. But I had no idea this message would continue to expand until it became embodied in language. Wholeness. I thought wholeness arrived in my own life by adding poetry and podcasting, speaking and psi workshops to my business and board pursuits. But it was always there beckoning for me to recognize it. Because only through recognition could I begin to evangelize it. The urgency is greater than ever to connect with the whole of ourselves and allow it in each other. As we have tried to fit others into neat boxes that fit our narrative and make ourselves smaller to feel more in control, we have built a society that is increasingly fragmented. However, the truth is we are ever changing and ever growing, and we have a choice of who we want to become tomorrow.
So, as I reflect back on these words I shared from a podium twelve years ago, I realize my current mission of wholeness is not all that different than it was back then. And while it may have only been visible in glimmers, it was sparkling as it waited in the wings for me to notice. And now that I have, I can’t look away.